And it all crashes down in an instant

I figured that I had been doing fairly well with the exercise and eating since New Years. Yeah, I had kinda slacked a bit lately on the nutrition, focusing more on finishing the Half, but I figured all the running was making up for it.

I haven't stepped on a scale in a long time, but I was feeling good about my progress and the direction I was heading.

And then last night, my Mother In Law took a picture at an outdoor concert and tagged me in it. My phone pinged and I clicked on the notification and saw the picture.

A super cute picture of the Hubs and the Munchkin. Adorbs. No wonder everyone I knew was liking the picture. But then I saw why I was tagged.

And all I could see was this:

And I wanted nothing more than to be able to erase the picture from the internet. From existence. Each ping I got when someone liked the photo stabbed into me a little bit.

And then I stepped on the scale. 180. UP almost 10 lbs from the last time I'd stood on the scale. I felt awful, humiliated, defeated. All this running, all this time, and I am back again close to my heaviest weight, and worse, I look it.

So I'm starting over (again) today. The eating needs to be cleaned up. No more "oh just this ones" or "I can let it slide today." And I need NEED to add in exercise besides running.

I feel so utterly awful right now.

Gettin' back on the 'mill

I gave myself a full week off after the half marathon to recover. It was actually hard for me to not run for a full week, but I think it was the best decision for my body.

I did my first run this week on Tuesday, on the treadmill since I was pressed for time.

Right off the bat I could tell my legs were not at 100% yet. My calves were super tight. I started out at a slowish pace to try to work them out, and then started doing short bursts of speed (one or two minutes at an increased speed) since I was trying to get three miles in before The Hubs got home with the Munchkin.

After the first mile, my calves still felt a little uncomfortable, but a lot better, so I upped the speed a little bit. I managed to finish out the three miles with negative splits, which was cool, and to finish it before the Hubs got home, which was awesome.

Not a bad first run back at it, but not the best. I think I'm going to take a few weeks to just kind of get back into the groove before figuring out a new training plan. This time around, I'm going to be looking for speed instead of distance, so if anyone knows a good plan to up your speed, let me know!

My Body Tells Me No, but I won't quit, Cause I want more

Ok, confession time. I tried to listen to my body. I really did. I made the decision, and I tried to make peace with the decision.

Then I picked up my race packet...because I already paid for the shirt.

The next thing you know, I'm laying out my gear like:

And tweeting out stuff like this:

And then I'm lining up in the AM with a couple thousand other people like NBD peeps. Just a little Jog through the city.

Let me tell you-It was hard, it was painfull, I may have inadvertently given myself hypothermia and my time was not my best, but it was worth it.

And not just for the bling.

Although the bling is super nice.

This was the first time I ran a race with a pace group. I ran with the slow pokes (the slowest pace group offered), with a 3 hour time target. Up until I lost them in the hills half way through the run, It was so very very awesome to run with these people. Seriously I have never laughed so hard while trying to keep breathing and running (it is much harder than you'd think!)

And I met so many awesome people on this course, because once I started talking, I talked to everyone, and everyone talked back. I got to see amazing people do amazing things, including getting to scream and cheer one of my new friends through the chute as she finished her first half. 

So it may have been painful, and at times soul crushing (as I struggled to keep up a run/walk and not drop to just a walk/walk in the last two miles), and I may have sworn off half marathons soon after crossing the finish line....

But I know I'll be back, standing at that start line again. Because This Mom Runs, and I like the tired, stupid reckless version of me who runs better than the fully functional but totally lazy (and slightly crabbier) version of me who dosn't run.

And besides, I look super bad-ass in a bat girl shirt.

Yes. Yes I do.

Press rewind then stop and pause

A little over two weeks out from my goal race, I caught a cold. It didn't seem like a huge deal, but I was cautious about it, even calling in sick to work one day to give my body the best shot at kicking it.

Two days later, it settled into my lungs.

That weekend, I tried to do a 10 mile shakeout run, along my usual path from Home to my parents. I knew I was in trouble three miles in, but ignored everything my body was saying and just tried to tough it out.

Seven miles in, on my way up a long slow uphill, I knew I was done. I could have walked the rest of the way to my parents, but due to time constraints I actually had to call my dad to come pick me up and drive me home.

This week was my last chance to see if I could shake this off and do the half. Just walking around and doing my day to day activity was more than enough for me to know the half was out of the question. Aside from the coughing and heavy feeling in my chest, pushing myself as hard as I did during that 7 mile run aggravated my hip and my left foot.

So, I'm registering a DNS. Trying to do the right thing and listen to my body, reset, and continue training with an eye (tentatively) on a fall half.

I've been quiet, because I didn't want to write this post. I didn't want to face this decision, and make it real. As recently as this morning, watching the Boston Marathon in all it's inspiring glory, I kept thinking "Maybe I can do it, if I take it easy."

But I think the hip pain was the deciding factor. I don't want to push it, try to do this race, and end up laid up for weeks (or worse.)

So yeah, that's where I'm at.

Can you feel it? Now it's coming back...

Ok so I've been a terrible blogger lately. So much has been going on in my life that finding the time to sit down and write something has become kind of a burden. So I let it go for a while, because I kinda had to, for my own sanity.

But things look to be...if not slowing down then settling more into a routine, now. Which hopefully will allow me more time to do the blogging that I kinda miss doing. There's something about being able to go over my runs in detail that kinda keeps me dialed into how my training is going. Without it, I'm finding myself just kinda doing each run like it exists in a vacuum.

I forget both how hard and how good runs felt, and instead get mired in the physical stress of the now.

I did my first outdoor run last week, and it kicked my butt so hard that I ended up taking the rest of the week off. Ok not really, mostly I ran out of time for runs the rest of the week, but man, my legs were NOT happy with me after that run. I guess it was a good thing I ended up with almost a week off, to let them recover.

Part of the problem was the route I chose. It's, how shall I put it, Hilly. The elevation chart tells just about all you need to know about that:

I haven't been doing hills all winter. All winter I've been inside on the treadmill. These are mussels I haven't used in months. They are still mad at me about this.

I did manage to do the whole three mile route with minimal walking, which was a small victory. I only had to take two walk breaks on my way up the giant Hill'o'Doom, although I did stop long enough at the top of the hill to take some pictures to document both the occasion of my first outdoor run of the spring, and the first time getting the soles of my new shoes dirty. It's a good thing I like them, because I guess I have to keep them now ;)

Overall it was a good, but humbling run. My pace was no where near where I felt it should be, and it kinda put the fear into me about my ability to finish out the half that's coming up in LESS THAN FOUR WEEKS! (Start panic now.)

The other cool thing is me and the Hubs signed up for an "Intro to Rowing" class that's being offered for free at the local indoor rowing place. It's a week and a couple days before the Half, so It'll hit right when the taper crazies are worst. I'm really excited about it!

This week I'm going to do the Hilly outdoor route again (today actually), and then my normal runs, capped by (hopefully) a 12 mile run on Sunday. It's going to be my longest long run in this training cycle. I keep trying to get it in, and then having to push it off a week because of life. Here's hoping this is the week!

On my way, simply moving on my way....

Today marks the final day in the first full week of using a "stand desk." I can say a few things with certainty, but I'm not sure exactly how much of them are direct (or indirect) results of standing for most of my days.

Really, I think it's too early to make any definitive statements about the impact of using a stand desk on my life, but regardless, so far I'm enjoying it.

Running this week has been spotty. I did my tuesday run, in my new Brooks Transcends. The run felt good, just an easy four miles. The Transcends felt good. Even though they were still suffering from the stiff "new shoe" feeling, I could definitely feel a difference compared to the other shoes I run in. As soon as I started running the shoe felt "cushier." I can see this being a really good shoe for long runs, or recovery runs when I need a bit more pampering. 

I'll give a more detailed review of both shoes after I've broken them in a bit. It really is hard for me to get a feel for shoes (other than "yup these work") until I've put a bunch of miles on them. In fact I'm just getting to the point with the Mizuno's where they feel "normal" to me. (I still wear my Brooks Ravenna 4's as my normal sneakers, and man do I miss having them as running shoes!)

I missed my thursday run this week, due to massive amounts of snow and ice needing to be removed from my driveway. Me and the Hubs spent an hour in the morning clearing the driveway enough to get our two stuck cars out so we could get to work (late, but hey you can't have everything.) The driveway was still enough of a mess that when I got home, I spent an hour chopping and clearing ice and shoveling snow to clear out enough room for the Hubs to get one car in. He spent another hour clearing enough space to move that car up so we could get the second car in the driveway.

While I was clearing the driveway, using the garden shovel to chop up the ice and heaving foot long two inch thick chunks of ice over piles of snow higher than my head, I decided that this must be what it feels like to do cross fit. Simultaneously immensely badass, and incredibly silly. Like "Look at me! I can totally throw this heavy thing so far! Why? Why am I throwing this heavy thing? Isn't there an easier way?"

The upshot is, I missed a run, but I got a killer upper body workout. My arms, shoulders and back are super sore.  

I'm going to do my weekend runs as planned for the week before the week I missed (So the long run will be 10 miles), and then move on on my training plan. It looks like the temps will be in the mid 30's this weekend so I'm going to try to get at least one of my runs done outside (most likely the shorter 5 miler.) 

That's the way we get by

I had planned on making my triumphant return to running on Saturday, however I woke up with a migraine on Saturday (and ended up incapacitated until around noon.) I had that talk with myself again, the one where I worry that this is the start of the downward slide that ends with months off running and having to restart my training from scratch...again.

Glycerin 11s

Then, Saturday night, I opened a package to find that the two new pairs of running shoes I had ordered from Zulily had arrived! It was just the spark I needed to get myself back on the treadmill. Seriously those shoes could not have arrived at a better time.

And they're awesome. I ordered two pairs (because they were on serious discount.) A bright pink pair of Transcends and a Light blue pair of Glycerin 11's. (sorry for the photobombing cat, but he was as excited about the new shoes as I was!)

Trancends

So Sunday I was back on the 'mill. I decided on a short run (3 miles) just to get myself back in the groove and so I could wear one of the new pairs of shoes. I actually had a hard time deciding which pair to try first. I eventually settled on the Glycerin 11's.

The run was good. The first mile, of course, felt like a bit of a slog, but once my legs got into it, the rest of the run felt easy. The shoes felt a little stiff, and I think I need to adjust the laces on my left foot a bit ( they felt a little tight across the bridge of my foot, ) but other than those minor complaints they fit well. I think once I break them in a bit, they'll be fine.

I'm looking forward to trying the Transcends, and to having a few pairs of shoes to rotate through. I've read that it's a good thing to do, for injury prevention. Also, I can be one of those matchy matchy people you see on runs!

On the weight loss side of things, I've been taking "progress pictures" at the beginning of every month. Because I haven't been seeing much movement on the scale (or minimal movement at least,) and it was starting to discourage me. The pictures however tell a different story. Here's the side by side from January and March 1st. (March is on top, January on bottom.)

I can definitely see a difference, for the first time in a long time. It feels good to look at those pictures and actually see progress. Especially when the numbers on the scale keep taunting me.

Today marks the first day of the first full week of "Stand desk" life. I put "stand desk" in quotes because it really is a kludged together work station. I basically have a box on my desk, with my monitors on top of the box, and I've raised my chair enough that I can sit when I need to.  It requires a lot of tilting of monitors, and the height is not ideal, but it works...mostly. We're hoping to get actual stand desks in at work at some point, but this will work until then. Weird side note on this, I've found that I'm hungrier, earlier, now that I'm standing most of the day. Not snacky like I normally am (which I think is mostly boredom,) but actually, stomach empty, hungry.

I'll sign off with some cuteness. As I've said before, the Munchkin was sick all last week. Thursday my parents watched her, and my Dad sent me this picture of her on their elliptical machine. She apparently was on it for a while, and was fascinated with trying to make it go faster. Makin' her momma proud!