The Apperance of Aunt Flo

On Sunday morning, I tested, and like I was sure it would, I got a BFN. Later that day AF showed up. A day early even. I was surprised by how much that upset me. Maybe it's the hormones, but I just felt defeated. Even though I had an idea that I'd get a BFN this month, and even though parts of me were unsure on the timing of dealing with a BFP this month and what that would mean for our time line, I still felt crushed by the result.

DH was upset as well. Not devastated, but sad. He was excited about the prospect of a BFP. He's done what he can to help the process along. He worries about the state of his swimmers.

I know this is just our first cycle, and it's nothing to be worried about. I had a feeling that this cycle didn't work when I had light cramping and spotting a few days before AF was set to appear. I wonder about the mysterious symptoms I was having. I wonder if I thought myself into having them. That I wanted it so bad I convinced myself it was happening.

I've continued my baby knitting unfazed. I figure it's better to build up a stock pile of baby knits in advance. I'll need them eventually, when we do get a BFP (thinking positive here!) So far i've finished two baby blankets, a pair of baby booties, a hoodie, and two kimono wraps. On the needles right now are a burp cloth and a baby jacket. I'm thinking I'm going to keep a burp cloth on the needles until I build up a significant stockpile of them. I've heard they're useful.

Day One

Today is the day after the end of my period. Today marks the real beginning of my TTC journey. I've been pre-planning for months though, just getting my ducks in a row so to speak. I've been taking PNV's for three months, just in case. I've been weaning myself off caffeine (I'm down to only one large cup in the AM) and I've been working on easing myself into a healthier eating plan. 

I've been reading too much information, scouring the internet for articles and blogs. Trying not to get myself too caught up in this, in case we have trouble. But I'm so excited and nervous and full on ready to make this happen. 

And since I can't talk to anyone about this, lest my mother hear and get overblown excited like we females in my family tend to do, I decided to blog it out.

I don't know how long this will take us, and I'm sure the journey will be interesting to no one but me. I'm already thinking about cribs and wraps and maternity clothes. I've already started knitting baby stuff (knowing how slow I knit it's a good thing I've already started.) I've got my fingers crossed that this stage is a short one, but I'm trying to keep my expectations in line.