Day one of Cycle Two

Today is the first day after AF. The first day (they way I count at least) of Cycle two. I'm thinking about taking a slightly different approach this cycle. I plan on BD tonight, and every other day until my fertile period, then we go back to every day, then back to every other day after that. I want to give this the best chance possible.

I'm trying not to get to anxious, or put too much hope in this cycle. I'm trying to remember that this might take a while.

I don't know why I'm so impatient, other than the fact that I'm just an impatient person. It's like, I made up my mind to do this, now I want it, and I want it now. And I worry, I have a little voice in my head that keeps pointing out how many things could be wrong, things that would prevent us from getting a BFP. After years and years of trying NOT to get pregnant, you would think it would be easy once you stop the preventative measures.

And with every blog I read, I start to worry a bit more. There are so many people out there that have been trying for so long. Trying with every thing medical technology can throw at the problem. How long would I try before I gave up? I'm only one failed cycle in and I'm already frustrated and worried.

I really just need to calm down.

AF Day 3

I'm on Day 3 of AF, which is typically my last day. I'm anxious to get this over with and get back to TTC. My calendar says my fertile period starts on the 19th, so next Monday, and that I ovulate on the 24th, the following Saturday. Does that sound right? Regardless, I'm anxious to get back to it, although I'm using this week to get in some dojo time, and push myself a bit harder in the exercise department.

I've been really down the past few days, just kinda in a funk. I'm going to say it's the fault of hormones.

I've been really good sticking to my "one small cup of coffee a day" caffeine limit, even with the fact that if I wanted to, I could drink more right now. I did have a half glass of wine at dinner last night though.

Don't have a lot to say today, just, trying not to let myself get too wrapped up in this.

The Apperance of Aunt Flo

On Sunday morning, I tested, and like I was sure it would, I got a BFN. Later that day AF showed up. A day early even. I was surprised by how much that upset me. Maybe it's the hormones, but I just felt defeated. Even though I had an idea that I'd get a BFN this month, and even though parts of me were unsure on the timing of dealing with a BFP this month and what that would mean for our time line, I still felt crushed by the result.

DH was upset as well. Not devastated, but sad. He was excited about the prospect of a BFP. He's done what he can to help the process along. He worries about the state of his swimmers.

I know this is just our first cycle, and it's nothing to be worried about. I had a feeling that this cycle didn't work when I had light cramping and spotting a few days before AF was set to appear. I wonder about the mysterious symptoms I was having. I wonder if I thought myself into having them. That I wanted it so bad I convinced myself it was happening.

I've continued my baby knitting unfazed. I figure it's better to build up a stock pile of baby knits in advance. I'll need them eventually, when we do get a BFP (thinking positive here!) So far i've finished two baby blankets, a pair of baby booties, a hoodie, and two kimono wraps. On the needles right now are a burp cloth and a baby jacket. I'm thinking I'm going to keep a burp cloth on the needles until I build up a significant stockpile of them. I've heard they're useful.