Yeah, I know. Another "starting over" post. Since my last post, I went back to work, and everything changed. Until I went back to work, I was doing alright keeping myself on track, loosing weight. I wasn't blogging it, but I was doing it. A lot of walking, a lot of carrying baby girl. I wasn't really watching what I ate, but the weight was coming off slowly. I got all smug and self confident about it.
Then I went back to work.
I stopped having time to walk with baby girl. I started being too tired to carry her everywhere and started using the stroller. I was eating for speed and convince, not eating terribly, but not eating well, and most definitely not paying attention to how much I was eating. I knew the weight had stopped coming off. It depressed me every time I stopped to think about it.
What I didn't know was that the weight was getting put back on.
As part of a study I am participating in, which follows women through their pregnancy and postpartum period, a nurse had to take my weight recently, at the 6 month postpartum mark. The nurse asked me if I wanted to take off my shoes, and I joked that I'd leave them on and if I didn't like the number I'd blame the shoes. The nurse laughed, I laughed, thinking that the number would be bad, but couldn't be that bad. I was breastfeeding after all.
I couldn't believe the number, and apparently neither could the nurse, since she had me step of the scale and back on so she could check the number.
183.5, heavier than I have ever weighed before while not pregnant. I made up my mind right there that I had to do something. But it was Christmas time, and between the stress of the holiday and the joy of the holiday, I pushed it off.
January 1st is traditionally a new start for everyone. A new year, and a new chance to be whoever you want to be, to change whatever you do not like about yourself. I would start then, with everyone else.
Except, my life dosn't run like everyone else's schedule. The first was a Tuesday, which meant I worked Monday and Wednesday. Tuesday was spent recovering from a horrible migraine, and then trying desperately to get the house back into some sort of usable shape after the disaster area it had become over the holidays. Wednesday was my late night at work, so my morning was spent getting baby girl ready and over to my parents before heading into work, and I got home at 8 in time for dinner and bed.
I did what I could in those first couple of days. I downloaded an app for my phone to track my calories consumed. I made a plan that I will try to stick to. I made arangements so the plan will be easier to stick to.
Thursday, January 3rd I started. When I got home from work, with time before the greatest husband ever got home with baby girl, I put the leash on the dog and took him out for a walk. I only did a half hour walk, but it was a start.
Friday January 4th, I took the time to do a 10 min.ute trainer video (it really works out to like 15 or 20 minute trainer with the warm up and cool down, but who's counting.) I was feeling all smug and self confident again. Here I was doing what I said I was going to do.
When I weighed myself I was stunned to see 177.2. I double checked the reading, even moving the scale into another room and weighing in again. Now, I realized, some of that might be due to the differing calibrations between my home scale and the doctors scale. Sure, fine, I told myself, don't get cocky, use this as a starting point. It's still a hugely high number. 177.2 is still heavier than you ever have been before while not carrying another human being in your stomach.
And then came the weekend. Saturday dinner at my parents with family friends and lots of food, Sunday brunch out with friends. Not bothering to track what I'm eating and no exercise beyond walking around the mall on Saturday.
I have no idea how far I backslid. I did not weigh myself on Monday, I just put my head down and tried to do better. Monday I walked the dog for an hour. I tracked everything I ate, even when we went to the in-laws for dinner.
Today I will track what I am eating. Tonight when I go home, I will do a video. I will try not to look back at where I've fallen short, or look ahead to when I reach my goal. I will focus on today, on this step.
This step, finally moving forward again.