Maybe swimming?

I'm trying to dig myself out of this hole. I'm trying to find my hope again and get myself moving. I tried starting with walking the dog every day, but that left my legs cramped up by the end of the day and almost useless the next day.

I'm going to try swimming next. I ordered a plus size swimsuit that's suitable for swimming laps, and I'm going to go to the Y tomorrow. I'm hoping that swimming will be less stressful on my muscles or at least result in less next day awfulness.

I really want to get back to running. I hate that I'm missing the prime fall running time, with the awesome temperatures and gorgeous leaves. I'm going to try to go for a run at least once this week. Hopefully it doesn't side line me for the next few days like it did last time.

I'm sorry for how awful I sound, I'm trying to keep the hope up, it's just been an incredibly frustrating few weeks.

The Fibro Effect

I'm finally starting to come out of the crazy bad Fibro episode I've been having. I'm not calling it a "flare" because it really was a lot of small flares and badness caused by me stepping off my medication.

During this "episode," I very nearly gave up. It was impossible to exercise, even getting through my bare minimum each day was sometimes more than I could do. I was requiring naps, two hours of each day lost to the fog.

I was hungry, and forgetful. I'm not sure exactly how bad I was eating, but I know it wasn't good.

Add in a family vacation, and boom. I've gained back the weight I managed to loose during the tons of fun challenge.

It feels impossible. I can run two miles one day, but barely walk up and down my stairs the next (sore muscles aside.) I recover so excruciatingly slowly. I did a Ju-Jitsu class with my daughter, which didn't feel all that taxing, and was flattened with sore achey muscles for almost a week.

I keep trying, and I keep failing. I do what I can when I can, and it's not enough.

I'm so tired of being out of shape, of not being comfortable in my body or my clothes.

Adjusted Expectations

I had another medication step down induced flair Monday into Tuesday. It was frustrating after having a good week where I got a decent amount of exercise.

The reason for the mediation step down is a good one, The Hubs and I are planning on trying for a second kid. In order to do that, I have to be off my medication, since I cannot take any of the medications approved for Fibro while pregnant or nursing.

I know that I'm doing this for a purpose, but spending days where the best I can do is the baseline to keep the family functioning....it's incredibly frustrating. I had big plans for a modified training plan, but I can't even start that until after I finish stepping off the medication. Hopefully the flairs will settle down once my body adjusts to not having the medication.

I have an appointment for acupuncture today. I have high hopes for it helping to ease my symptoms. My doctor seemed to be really positive about it anyway.

Last week was a great week. I got runs in Monday and Tuesday, then rested Wednesday, did a late run Thursday and got "sprints" in Friday with the Midget, and at least got a walk in on Saturday (took the dog for a quick mile walk.)

The late run on Thursday was the first time I've run around my neighborhood in a while, and it happened around sunset, so it ended up being my first "night" run in a long time. I usually don't run at night, but I stuck to sidewalks and well lit areas, and wore my visibility gear, so I felt relatively safe. I did end up taking a "wrong" turn and adding about a half mile on to my run. I put wrong in quotes because I thought I knew where the road went, so I took a planned route, but the road dumped out in a different spot than I was expecting.

I know this week will be less spectacular than last week, since I've already lost two days, but I'm hoping to get back on track starting today.

Learning to live with Fibro

Since my diagnosis, it's been rough. The new limitations are frustrating, depressing, and difficult to work around.

I've found myself slowly loosing contact with friends, as my physical state causes missed plans, canceled events, and entire days spent either in bed or on the couch.

For someone who has been as active as I have been, this has been a rough transition.

I tried joining a running group, with a coached 10k plan. I bombed out about halfway through the plan, as missed runs piled up. I have been able to run once, once, in the last three weeks.

It was a three mile run this past Monday. I had to fight my own body for every step.

All of this has been so hard, I've barely been able to talk to my closest friends about it. It just seems so....unreal.

The past few weeks have been particularly challenging, as I have been attempting stepping off my medication to see how well I can tolerate being off of it. The idea was for us to try for another kid this fall, however if I can't tolerate being off my medication (which I cannot take while pregnant,) we'll have to give up on that.

I have managed to keep myself from gaining weight during my period of inactivity, although I'm not sure how. I'm worried that I've lost muscle weight and will start gaining once I start working out again.

We've joined the local YMCA, and I'm planning on a lot of lap swimming in my future. There's also child care available so I'll be able to get treadmill runs in over the winter whenever, and hopefully also take advantage of some of the group classes (hello Yoga and Spinning!)

I'm trying to stay positive, to see this as simply an obstacle to overcome, instead of the insurmountable road block it feels like.

Think you could slow me down?

Even though I rolled my ankle a few weeks ago, I signed up for a training plan again through Fleet Feet. This one is training towards a 10K. I figured it would be less intense than the half marathon plan and would be a good way to ease back into running.

The time trial was on Saturday, two miles, run as hard as you can. Of course it was super hot, and super humid, and since it had been freezing that morning, I was wearing long pants. So I trialed really slow. I'm ok with that. I'm in the 13 min. mile pace group going by my trial, and I figure, I'll start there and see if I can ease my way up to the 12 min/mile group as time goes on.

Today was the first real run of the training plan. Three miles, nice and easy. The weather was perfect, cool, breezy, overcast. I spent the entire run doing constant checks on the state of my ankle. It started feeling a little stiff around halfway through the run, but other than that, it felt great.

Now the key is to keep my ankle supported, and not overwork it as it recovers from the run.

It felt great to be back at it.

A screeching halt

Ok, so, a week ago, I was at karate, doing normal karate stuff. I set my left foot down after a kick combination, and was off balance. Then BOOM, my left ankle just rolled. It made a snapping noise and there was a lot of pain. So much they had to help me off the floor.

I iced it for about 15 minutes, but it seemed ok. I could put weight on it, it wasn't swelling up, minimal bruising. I figured I'd gotten lucky. I finished the rest of the class.

By the next morning, the swelling was WAY bad, and the bruising ran the whole way around the ankle. Queue the panic.

I called my doctor, got an x-ray. Nothing's broken, just a really bad sprain. Stay off my feet until it heals. I tried not to laugh at that. I have a pre-schooler!

Anyways, It started to heal up quickly, by the weekend I was walking around relatively well with a brace on. Last night I must have over done it, because by this morning, my ankle is all achey again.

I'm sitting tight as much as possible (my parents are watching the munchkin as I type.) I've got the whole RICE thing going on, and I've got my fingers crossed that I'll be able to do at least upper body work (with the brace on the ankle) by Thursday.

Sitting still is driving me crazy.

Fighting Fibro

Yesterday was a "Bad Fibro" day. I woke up achey and as I call it "locked up," where my muscles feel like they're clenched tight, even though they are not. It's an odd, uncomfortable feeling that makes movement difficult.

I was tired, and felt defeated. Tuesday is one of my Karate days, and I've missed a lot of those lately. I spent most of the morning on the couch, letting my daughter watch way too much television. She had dance class at 1:00 though, so by noon we were up and out of the house. My parents were picking her up from dance class, so I made a decision.

I went to Karate. I threw my Fibro a big middle finger and went.

I refuse. I refuse to let this define me. I refuse to let this take away the things I love. It wasn't an amazing class, I could feel that I had less power in my techniques than normal, but it was a good class. Weirdly my symptoms seemed to ease up during class, and even though the tenseness and aches settled right back in after class, it was easier to deal with them, knowing I'd been to class.

So there. Take that Fibro. I'm fighting back.