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Thursday, March 27, 2014

Running Angry

Tuesday I had a really rough day. I was angry and hurt and frustrated when I stepped on the treadmill. At first I tried to just run and watch the episode of The Justice League Unlimited that I'd queued up (yeah I'm watching superhero cartoons while I run, what of it? ^_^) But about halfway through my run I realized how angry I was, and how distracting it was to me. So I started increasing the speed and let myself get angry. Really really angry. To the point where I yelled out a couple times in frustrating while I ran (thank goodness no one was home.) By the end of the run I was spent. Physically and Emotionally. I'm not gonna lie, I cried a bit. But I felt cleaner, and I wasn't angry any more. I wasn't hurting about it anymore. I'm still disappointed, and more than a little apprehensive about the situation surrounding the singular event that caused all these emotions (quick note - it's nothing personal, I'm fine, my family is fine, I just prefer to leave it vague until the situation is resolved.)

This is not the first time I've run angry (it is the first time in a long time) but it is the first time where I used the run to let it go. I've used runs lately to help me figure stuff out, to help me feel more comfortable with a decision, and now to get out a poisonous emotion. (Because really, the anger and upset I was feeling was corrosive.)

The other day the Hubs and I were talking about my running, and he said something about me needing to work on speed. And I said maybe, but right now I'm working on distance. His response was that once I get past the half marathon distance, speed is going to be important because my training runs will end up taking whole days otherwise. I told him I had no solid plans to run that far, and we'll see. He laughed and said I was a runner now, I was going to keep going, that I needed it now. It kind of took me off guard to have someone else say that to me.

This morning I ran across this article on my friends feed a few times: Self Magazine Makes Fun of Cancer Survivors Tutu. Reading it made me so angry all over again. There is no need for this. No need for a magazine teaching us to tear each other down, let alone for something so innocent and lighthearted. The only positive thing I can take from this is to spread the link as far and wide as I can for the store the woman who's picture they used runs. She makes and sells the tutu's they seemed to find so offensive. If you're into dressing up for races, Go get a tutu from her: Glam Runners.

Yeah, too much anger lately. I think I need another run....

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