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Monday, August 22, 2011

Exciting Weekend, and My Impatience

This weekend my SIL, who has been trying to get pregnant for almost a year, found out she's pregnant. She had told me she was late on Thursday, and we had talked about it again on Friday during the day. She had asked me not to say anything to anyone, because she didn't want to say anything until she was sure. I promised, but made her promise to tell me as soon as she tested, either way. When her and her husband picked us up to go out on Friday, she handed me the stick. When she handed it to me and I read the positive I got so excited I jumped out of my seat in the car and hugged her, which of course scared the crap out of her husband who was driving. She's being cautious and not telling anyone until after the first trimester, to "make sure it sticks" as she put it. I think she's really worried about it. It's killing me not being able to celebrate openly, but until she makes the announcement I'm being good and just secretly plotting, er, planning her baby shower.

This weekend I also went and took care of some dental work I've been putting off. I really hate getting dental work done. The whole time they were drilling away I kept thinking, this is for the future baby. Just keep your mind on that. I've also started flossing regularly, because my dentist told me I was starting to develop localized gingivitis between my teeth.

I'm having trouble being patient with the process. I know that I don't ovulate till the 29th, which means that my fertile period doesn't start until the 24th, but I'm impatient. I want to try now. I want to see that positive now. I know, intellectually, that this may take a while. It may take a long time, but emotionally I'm impatient. I don't know if I'll feel better or worse once we hit the fertile period. I don't know how badly I'll take the Two Week Wait. I suspect it will be very very hard on me. I'm worried, because of how long it took my SIL to conceive, I'm worried because my DH is worried, I'm worried because I know myself and I know how impatient I am. And I'm trying not to worry because it's pointless and counterproductive.

I'm still having trouble dropping below my current caffeine intake. I'm good some days, and others not-so-much. This morning is a not-so-much morning. I've got my large 18 oz cup of coffee sitting on my desk. Tomorrow I'm going to try going with the medium to go cup. I'm hoping to step myself down to getting the small cup every morning, to leave myself wiggle room for the rest of the day. I really do think keeping myself to two 8 oz cups of coffee a day will be one of my biggest struggles with this whole process.

Trying to focus on enjoying the journey, instead of just yearning for the destination.

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