Last night was the start of the serious TTC. My fertile week starts today, so we started last night. I'm anxious about it. I want this to work and yet the actual start of the serious part has me a little scared. What if I'm doing this for the wrong reasons?
I do martial arts, The Dojo is my happy place. Last night I had a moment of panicked realization that I'm going to have to tell them that I can't do a lot of things, and make sure I don't push myself as hard as I usually do. I came to this realization during a drill which involved protecting only our heads, focusing on keeping our guards up and allowing body shots in. I took a couple of strong hits to the midsection, and realized that after that class, I can't let that happen anymore. I also push myself way too hard, getting to that queasy point. That's something I can't do anymore. It just somehow feels awkward saying "I can't do this because I'm TTC." As if this is somehow less legitimate a reason than actually being pregnant.
I know there's no way for me to be pregnant yet, but yesterday I was intensely moody for no apparent reason. I think it may be the lack of caffeine. As carefully as I've stepped myself down, I still feel it. I'm down within the safe tolerance levels of no more than two 8 oz cups of coffee a day. I want to step down a little further, to be only having one 8 oz cup each day, but it's so hard. Each time I step down I feel sluggish and irritable for a few days. Yesterday was particularly rough, if that was indeed the cause.
I guess all I can do is ride out the next few weeks and try not to drive DH crazy!