First official OB apointment

Today was my first appointment with my OB. Everything looked fine, nothing out of place. Got a huge packet of information and a lot of paperwork to fill out.

I scheduled my first Ultrasound for next Wednesday morning, it will be the "dating ultrasound" which will give us a more accurate due date. Hopefully we'll also get a picture to give to our parents. We're planning on making the announcements on thanksgiving.

I'm still rather nauseous, although I've managed (cross my fingers) to keep from actually throwing up for the past few days. My OB had some suggestions on foods that may help, and if the trend continues I should be feeling better by next week some time.

I am still super tired, although part of that may be the fact that I'm not really sleeping through the night very well. I have to get up at least once each night to pee (yeah i know tmi) and I usually do quite a bit of tossing and turning before falling back to sleep.

The good news is the OB gave me the thumbs up to return to (non contact) activity at the Dojo, once the pukey-ness goes away. I don't think anyone would really appreciate me inadvertently throwing up on them. I'm going to scale back how many days I go though, and pick the days carefully. Saturdays, yes, Thursdays, maybe. Mondays, maybe. I'm thinking twice a week will be all I'll be able to do, with one day a week doing a prenatal yoga video or something, and getting walks in when I can.

I really can't wait to be active again. I hate sitting around feeling like a lump. I know I'm supposed to take it easy, and listen to my body, and cut myself slack, but I just feel lazy. The fact that I don't have a baby bump yet doesn't help. Since there is no visible physical reason for me lying around all the time feeling simultaneously like I need a nap and like I need to empty my guts, I feel like maybe I'm exaggerating it, and I should just get up.

This past weekend I tried to buy some things from the maternity section at a store. As soon a I crossed that invisible (but very noticeable) line between the normal clothes and the maternity section, I wanted to bolt. I felt like a fraud, like an impostor. I do not have a belly, what am I doing in this section?! The same feeling came over me when I walked through the baby stuff section of the same store. Only it was augmented with the feeling that if I even touched any of the baby stuff I would jinx the pregnancy.

Sigh.

I'll get over this stuff eventually, I swear.

4 Days Till AF

I had a really tough time not testing last night, and not testing this morning. I've had a little more spotting, which has me super nervous about getting a BFN. The worst part is that I know if I test now, I could get a false negative, so it will be a waste of a test. But my god the waiting is killing me.

My SIL wants to go for food tonight, and I am inclined to say yes to the invitation, even though I had planned on going to the dojo tonight. Why? Because I want to avoid the dojo until I know. So I can have a valid (to me) reason why I'm not pushing myself as hard, or letting people punch me in the stomach.

The urge to test tonight, just to see, is almost overwhelming. This really sucks.

5 Days Till AF

So, I'm well into my first TWW. I know I haven't been posting, but mostly that's because if I think about it too much I got a little bit crazy. According the my iphone app, which has been close to dead on accurate in the past, I have 5 days left before AF. Waiting is killing me. More than anything I want to test early, especially now that I'm within the supposed range of some of the HPT's. I've been pep talking myself into waiting until Sunday, which would be one day BAF.

I picked up an HPT today while I was at the store. I picked it up today for a couple reasons, one being impatience, but the other, main, one was that it was the only chance I was gonna get to pick one up without DH there. I really didn't want to make him be there when I bought that.

I'm starting to think I'm gonna get a BFN this time though. A couple days ago I had some cramping, and today and yesterday I've had some light spotting. I know you can get cramping and spotting with implantation, but it's so far after O, and so close to AF, I think it's just regular PMS.

But on the other (more hopeful) side of things, there was yesterday. I went running yesterday and my stomach felt strangely full, bloated almost, but it didn't feel like a normal bloated. (yeah yeah TMI I know.) Sometimes I think I feel pregnant, but I know that's just me wanting it bad enough to see every little symptom as a positive sign.

I'm trying to prepare myself for that BFN. Trying not to hope too much for a BFP. I just really want to know either way though. The wait is agonizing.

I've cut my caffeine intake down to  one 8 oz cup of coffee a day. That last step was hard, and I'm still a bit grouchy and tired from it. It's hard maintaining the preparations right now, waiting, thinking i'm going to get a BFN.

Phantom Symptoms

Looking at my calendar there is a little green dot on the day yesterday, which means I'm fertile, and a little red heart, which means we were intimate. Somehow having those both on the same day for the first time feels profound.

Today I'm tired from lack of sleep and lack of caffeine. My stomach is off, which is making it hard to drink the cup of coffee sitting on my desk. Everything I'm eating and drinking, with the exception of the cheddar bunnies I just ate, is bothering my stomach.

I'm trying not to read too much into the symptoms, the fatigue, the light nausea, the restlessness. I know there's little to no chance of me being pregnant right at this moment, since I'm not supposed to ovulate till the 29th. Even if my cycle was a few days short this month, there's no way it would have happened yet.

Here's hoping that I'm wrong though ^_^