Week 11

The "morning' (ha!) sickness is still in strong effect. I've become a vegetarian by virtue of necessity, the only things I can eat reliably are salads and fruit. I'm staving off dehydration best I can with water and frozen juice pops. The bad taste in my mouth is also persisting, although I'm working around that with breath mints and gum.

I'm also still tired all the time, waking up in the mornings is getting really hard. I usually try to nap in the afternoons, but even then I'm exhausted by 10pm.

An awesome friend of ours, who sadly is moving out to Cali, just offered us this amazing crib. Their youngest just graduated to a "big girl bed", so they won't be taking it with them. It's gorgeous, and practically brand new. I'm so happy about it, and I feel so honored that they thought of us!

We go in for our 12 week Ultrasound on Monday. I'm excited for another look at our jumping bean. I honestly can't believe we're almost out of the first trimester. This Monday appointment is also the first time I've had to actually take time off of work for an appointment, and I think my boss is starting to get a little annoyed with me saying that I might be late/need time off because of a doctors appointment. I'm going to have to spill the beans soon at work, now that the word is out with the family and friends.

I'm tentatively planning on going to the "First Friday" workout at the Dojo this Friday. I'd really like to go and just run through my kata and do some practice with my bo, but everything rests on how my stomach is feeling that day.

Week 10, and the first Ultrasound

I was really nervous when we got there. What if there was something wrong? The tech explained a few things to me, asked me a few questions, then said "We'll try to see the heart beat with an external, but if we can't find it we'll have to do an internal ultrasound." My fear ratcheted up a bit at that point, what do you mean if you can't find it?!

The tech squirted the gel on and started pushing the wand against my lower belly, and bam, there it was on the screen. Not just a heart beat. A perfect little image of our baby. I kinda just stared at the screen, awed. Then it started bopping around in there. Oh man it kept moving around so much. And it made me laugh with relief to see it. The poor Tech was trying to get the heart rate, but had a hard time between the baby bopping and me laughing. And the baby was boxing! it kept pushing it's little fists out one at a time like a jab-cross combination.

It's still so hard to believe that tiny little person is inside me.

Tomorrow, on thanksgiving, we're going to tell both sets of parents at the same time (we're all going to be in one place for dinner). Now we have a perfect little picture to show them. I think DH is going to have to make the announcement, because I'll just choke up and start to cry if I do it.

In symptom land, I've still got a good deal of nausea and exhaustion going on...along with a persistent bad taste in my mouth. I had nausea really bad on Monday, and ended up getting dehydrated. I'm going to stock up on freezer pops to help with that. My general aversion to meat continues just as strong, which kinda sucks because I normally like a burger now and then, but I guess it's helping me eat a lot of healthy green things. Fruit has also been my friend lately.

All of it is worth it though when I think about watching that little silhouette bopping around on the screen.

First official OB apointment

Today was my first appointment with my OB. Everything looked fine, nothing out of place. Got a huge packet of information and a lot of paperwork to fill out.

I scheduled my first Ultrasound for next Wednesday morning, it will be the "dating ultrasound" which will give us a more accurate due date. Hopefully we'll also get a picture to give to our parents. We're planning on making the announcements on thanksgiving.

I'm still rather nauseous, although I've managed (cross my fingers) to keep from actually throwing up for the past few days. My OB had some suggestions on foods that may help, and if the trend continues I should be feeling better by next week some time.

I am still super tired, although part of that may be the fact that I'm not really sleeping through the night very well. I have to get up at least once each night to pee (yeah i know tmi) and I usually do quite a bit of tossing and turning before falling back to sleep.

The good news is the OB gave me the thumbs up to return to (non contact) activity at the Dojo, once the pukey-ness goes away. I don't think anyone would really appreciate me inadvertently throwing up on them. I'm going to scale back how many days I go though, and pick the days carefully. Saturdays, yes, Thursdays, maybe. Mondays, maybe. I'm thinking twice a week will be all I'll be able to do, with one day a week doing a prenatal yoga video or something, and getting walks in when I can.

I really can't wait to be active again. I hate sitting around feeling like a lump. I know I'm supposed to take it easy, and listen to my body, and cut myself slack, but I just feel lazy. The fact that I don't have a baby bump yet doesn't help. Since there is no visible physical reason for me lying around all the time feeling simultaneously like I need a nap and like I need to empty my guts, I feel like maybe I'm exaggerating it, and I should just get up.

This past weekend I tried to buy some things from the maternity section at a store. As soon a I crossed that invisible (but very noticeable) line between the normal clothes and the maternity section, I wanted to bolt. I felt like a fraud, like an impostor. I do not have a belly, what am I doing in this section?! The same feeling came over me when I walked through the baby stuff section of the same store. Only it was augmented with the feeling that if I even touched any of the baby stuff I would jinx the pregnancy.

Sigh.

I'll get over this stuff eventually, I swear.

Halfway through week 8

I know it's been a long time since i posted. I've been having a rather rough go of it lately. Up until the last couple of weeks I was exausted all the time. The hardest part was not acting tired at my parents. Then a little over a week ago, the nausea hit, big time. I've just been doing my best to figure out what I can eat, and what I can do to keep myself from needing to loose my lunch at work or at my parents or in laws.

Last night it was a close call. For some reason meat, in all its forms, is strictly off my diet list for right now. My Father in law made some amazing herb crusted chicken and pork for dinner last night. As soon as I smelled it, it was all i could do not to loose it at the table.

I'm feeling a bit better today, celebrating the fact that I didn't throw up this morning, for the first time in days.

I had a mini panic attack the other night when it dawned on me that one of the things I've been eating for breakfast was 90% nuts. Not that I didn't know that, it just didn't register. I totally freaked out that I'm going to give my kid a nut allergy.

I have my first appointment with my OB next Wednesday, and I'm super excited for it. I really just want to know everything is going along well in there.

We've decided to break the news to the fam at thanksgiving. I'm going to buy my parents cheesy "I love my grandma/grandpa" photo frames and either put the sonogram pic in there or if we don't have one  yet, put a piece of paper with the due date on it in there. Since this will be their first grand kid, I'm sure it won't take long for it to sink in. I still haven't figured out how to tell my brother, I guess it'll depend on if he's going to be in town for thanksgiving or not.

I can't wait to have this all out in the open so I can stop trying to hide it when something someone puts on my plate makes me want to hurl!

Trying to get used to this

It still doesn't quite feel real. Other than feeling a little bloated, super tired, super thirsty, and needing to pee every 5 minutes, I feel the same. It's hard to believe that there's a little life growing inside of me.

Now the worry starts though. Every time I pee I check for blood. I made my first appointment with the doctor and I'm paranoid that I'm going to loose the baby before the appointment. I'm worried about how we'll handle our overly energetic dog as this goes on. DH has already said if he doesn't calm down we can't keep him.

We aren't telling anyone until after the 12 week mark. We're both paranoid about a miscarriage. DH doesn't want me to buy any baby stuff yet, and he keeps worrying that I'm getting to attached to it this early, when so much can still go wrong.


We're also not sure what to do about Maternity leave and whether it will make sense for me to work after the baby is born. I guess we still have a long time to figure that out, but it's high on my worry list. Along with our current apartment not really being quite big enough for the two of us, our 85 lb puppy, our cat, and a baby. My BIL (who is also our landlord) has talked about finishing off the attic above our apartment to give us some more room, but i don't know how practical that would be.

This weekend we're going to visit DH's grandmother, my BIL and SIL are coming as are my Mother and Father. I'm wondering if we'll get through the weekend without someone slipping up and saying something.

BFP!

The title says it all really! I couldn't wait, so I tested this morning. I still can't believe it.

I was so sure that it was going to be a BFN that I just kind of set the test down and started brushing my teeth. When I looked back at it, it was a BFP.

After a moment of shock, I ran in and pounced on my still mostly asleep DH. He just kinda stared at me grinning. He said he wasn't really awake enough to really process it. When he woke up a little more we just kinda hugged a lot and grinned. Told eachother a bunch of times we loved each other.

DH kinda looked at me at one point and said "Wow. This means I really need a new job."

I'm trying to stay calm and quiet right now. I'm super excited inside, but I know how many things can go wrong. I know it might not "stick", like what happened to my SIL.

I'm still trying to figure out a neat way to tell my SIL. When she got her BFP she handed me the stick in the car. I need to think of something , although I'm struggling not to just text her about it right now.

I'm still worried that it was somehow a false positive. So I'm still waiting for AF to show up and prove the test wrong. But I'm trying to convince myself that yes, this really is real. I really did get a BFP.

Almost done with the second TWW

I've been very good this time. I kept myself distracted and did not buy a pee stick. I'm trying really hard to wait and see if AF shows up or not before I test. I only have to hold out until Saturday, but oh man does that feel like a long time.

I'm trying to be good, I've started getting half caf instead of regular coffee, and I'm down to one 12 oz cup of that a day. I take my PNV every day, and I'm avoiding all the foods I'm supposed to avoid (although i really miss fresh motz.)

The Dojo is still the biggest hang up. I was able to go on Monday this week, because Monday Night Dinner with the Inlaws was changed to Tuesday Night Dinner with the Inlaws, although it got shuffled again (which is a whole 'nother post, and I'll get to go tomorrow night if I'm up to it, and again Saturday morning. I'll know before next Tuesday if I'm OK for sparring, or if a BFP has rendered me infinitely fragile. I'm thinking I'm going to get a BFN, but I'm trying to stay positive about it (heh, get it?)

The knitting slowed down a bunch, mostly because I just haven't had time to sit still with the needles. That and I got to a less mindless part of the pattern for the Baby jacket. I need to buy some finishing supplies at some point (ribbons and things) but I'm really hesitant to. It feels like Jinxing myself.